“We”
Love creates new identities for the lovers. These are symbolized by the new names they give one another, the terms of endearment they use. Re-naming symbolizes the psychological fact that each lover now has a new identity, special and specific to the relationship. The idealization of the beloved’s anatomy, of the surface of his or her body and the special names given to parts of the body is a crucial aspect of the normal integration of tender and erotic strivings. The erotic idealization parallels the normal idealization processes in romantic love.
The feeling tone informing the “we” differs from couple to couple. “The world is our oyster” is not the same as “us against the world.” The couple is the first child of the union. It has a birthday and anniversary. The “we” accumulates its own history. The lovers delight in recounting all of its milestones; the day we cooked lobsters, the day we went to the beach are sacred memories by virtue of their power to revivify emotions. New places discovered are “owned” by the couple.
They relinquish the usual insistence on the boundaries of the self and come to believe in the autonomous life of a new entity-the ‘we’ created by love.
The existence of this new identity is apparent when the lover loses the beloved or belief in the love of the beloved. Not only is there a loss of the social network of other couples that formed their social circle. Now the lover has to establish a new circle, perhaps of single friends. The internal loss is even more important. There is a loss of the identity of their couple hood that is experienced as a loss of part of the self.
Verdi’s Otello illustrates this process. Otello and Desdemona celebrate the memories of the love that has grown between them. He sings of how he shared his history with her that included great suffering and eventual triumph. She sings of her pity for his suffering.
Desdemona sings of her pride in Otello’s bravery and remembers how he told her of his life in exile, the battles he fought and how frequently his life was in danger. She remembers his tale of walking across the dessert and being taken into slavery. She remembers the suffering he endured and how eventually he escaped and triumphed over adversity.
Otello in turn recalls how moved he was by the tears he saw in her eyes when he told her of his suffering. He remembers how she loved him for the danger that he overcame and he loved her that she pitied him for his suffering
Otello and Desdemona recount and celebrate their history as a “we”. Otello exalts in this feeling of “we-ness” and believes he could die and feel totally content having experienced Desdemona’s love.
The importance of the mutual identification as a “We” is demonstrated when Otello begins to believe the lies about Desdemona’s faithfulness to him. He loses a part of himself as he loses belief in her fidelity. He loses that part of himself that felt itself to be a “we”.
He exclaims that if Desdemona is false, it would be equivalent to his losing belief in God. He feels foolish that he was so trusting of her and did not see her subtle deceits. He cries out that his heart is broken and that he has lost his golden dream.
Otello has lost a part of himself that previously enriched him. He had transcended his isolated individuality to believe in something; the greater love that he and Desdemona shared. He has now lost this expanded part of himself. He kills Desdemona and she allows this. She does not struggle against her murder because she knows herself to be innocent.
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Very interesting topic, thank you for posting.
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There will be many more posts on the subject of “How romantic love can change a life.” So, check bak on my website.
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Dr Paul
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you like my posts. Thee will be many more.
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Dr Paul
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I am glad you like the website. I plan to publish a series of posts about “How romantic love can change a life.” The subject is quite varied and I think you will find it interesting.
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Dr Paul
I’d have to check with you here. Which is not something I usually do! I enjoy reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!
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I am glad you find my posts stimulating, because this is my intention. I enjoy your response and the responses of others, because that often allows me to elaborate on what I am trying to say. There will be a new post tomorrow; “How romantic love can change a life #2”
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Dr Paul
I simply want to mention I am just newbie to blogging and site-building and definitely loved your web blog. Likely I’m planning to bookmark your blog . You actually come with outstanding articles. Cheers for revealing your website page.
I plan to publishing many more posts inn the months to come, so please check back. I have spent three years of research developing the content of my website and comments like yours make me feel very appreciated.
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Dr Paul
The design for your blog is a bit off in Epiphany. Even So I like your blog. I may have to use a normal web browser just to enjoy it.
Others have reported problems viewing my website with mobile devices. I think a regular computer is best,
Best,
Dr Paul
Awesome post . Cheers for, writing on this blog dude! I will email you again! I didnt know that.
I look forward to herring from you. If there is anything you want me to elaborate on, feel free to ask. I am glad you are enjoying my posts.
Best,
Dr Paul
Could you message me with some hints on how you made this blog site look this cool , I would be thankful!
There isn’t just one answer. I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
When are you going to post again? You really entertain me!
I am glad I entertain you. I will probably post in a month. I have many more posts to publish.
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Dr Paul
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I believe this also. I think the culture is longing for information about romantic love and psychoanalysis writes more about the childhood origins of sex than about the adults need to actively love. I have sought to remedy this in my writings.
Best,
Dr Paul
How come you dont have your website viewable in wap format? cant see anything in my phone.
Too much to do. I afraid you’ll have to use your computer.
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Dr Paul
Please email me with some hints about how you made this website look like this, I would appreciate it.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
I really like it whenever people come together and share thoughts. Great site, continue the good work!
I am glad you are enjoying it. It took three years of research to create the cite.
Best,
Dr Paul
Could you email me with any hints on how you made your site look this good, Id appreciate it.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
A insightful blog post right there mate ! Thanks for posting !
Thank you. My goal has been to help people see more deeply the transformative power of romantic love. There will be many more posts to follow.
Best,
Dr Paul
Could you message me with some pointers about how you made your website look this awesome, I would appreciate it.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Oh man. This site is awesome! How can I make it look this good .
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hello, I just hopped over to your web site via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I might normally browse, but I appreciated your thoughts none the less. Thanks for making some thing worth reading.
I am glad you enjoyed it. I think it is a very important subject and intend to publish many more posts in the coming months on the same subject.
Best,
Dr Paul
May I just say what a relief to uncover an individual who really understands what they are discussing on the internet. You certainly know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people really need to look at this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised you are not more popular given that you most certainly possess the gift.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
It’s hard to come by well-informed people on this topic, but you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
This blog has got some extremely helpful info on it! Thanks for helping me!
My intent is to be helpful and give people insights into the multifaceted nature of romantic love. I have pu three years of research into this website.\
Best,
Dr Paul
very beneficial stuff, overall I picture this is worthy of a book mark, thanks a lot
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
This is the perfect blog for anyone who hopes to understand this topic. You know so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a topic that’s been written about for a long time. Great stuff, just wonderful!
Most of the psychoanalytic literature is about sex. Those articles that do address love reduce the discussion to its origins in a child’s need for love. There is little written about an adult’s active need to love. I have tried to remedy that in my website.
Best,
Dr Paul
Your style is so unique compared to other folks I’ve read stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this blog.
I try to write simply and clearly in ways that will touch the heart. I like to use music to illustrate my points about the psychology of love because music speaks directly to the heart. I should be publishing another post in a month.
Best,
Dr Paul
There is certainly a great deal to find out about this issue. I like all the points you made.
I believe that the power of romantic love to transform a life has received insufficient attention in the psychoanalytic literature. I have sought to remedy this in publishing my website.
Best,
Dr Paul
Spot on with this write-up, I truly believe that this website needs much more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the advice!
I expect to be publishing many more posts in the months to come.
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Dr Paul
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I would try viewing my site with a different browser.
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Dr Paul
Everything is very open with a really clear explanation of the issues. It was really informative. Your website is very useful. Thank you for sharing!
I have devoted three years to researching the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love. This accounts for the substance. I have also tried to write about it as clearly as I could.
Best,
Dr Paul
That is a very good tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere. Brief but very precise information… Appreciate your sharing this one. A must read post!
I am glad you enjoyed it. I try to be succinct and illustrate my points about the psychology of love with music or vignettes from movies.
Best,
Dr Paul
You made some fine points there. I did a search on the subject and found mainly folks will have the same opinion with your blog.
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The website is based on a three year research of the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love. It does not surprise me that many other agree with the points about the psychology of romantic love that I make.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I am glad you liked my posts. I will be publishing many posts in the future. I try to write simply and speak to the heart. I look at your website. It’s attractively arranged, but I don’t understand the language it’s written in.
Best,
Dr Paul
Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular article! It is the little changes which will make the greatest changes. Many thanks for sharing!
I have tried to point to the little changes that can make one more open to love.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I am glad you like it. I expect to publish more posts in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
I needed to thank you for this good read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it. I have you bookmarked to look at new things you post…
I will be publishing posts in the months to come that I think you will enjoy.
Best,
Dr Paul
Can I simply just say what a relief to find somebody that genuinely understands what they are talking about on the web. You certainly know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people should read this and understand this side of your story. It’s surprising you are not more popular given that you certainly have the gift.
I try to speak to the heart and clearly you are able to hear me.
Best,
Dr Paul
An particularly absorbing research, I may possibly probably not concur lock, stock and barrel, on the contrary you do achieve a quantity of very suitable points.
I am glad you find my argument persuasive.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I use Safari. Others have complained about IE.
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Dr Paul
Hmm it appears like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any recommendations for rookie blog writers? I’d certainly appreciate it.
I did three years of research of the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love before publishing my website,
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Dr Paul
I am enormously impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout by your weblog. Is this a compensated theme otherwise did you adapt it yourself? Anyway file positive the excellent characteristic letters, it is rare to comprehend a nice blog comparable this one today
My website and posts grew out of my interest in “barriers to loving” and “how romantic love can change a life.”
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Dr Paul
Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?
My email address is on my contact information on my home page.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Very good write-up. I certainly appreciate this website. Thanks!
I’m glad you have found it helpful.
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Dr Paul
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I am glad you find it valuable.
Best,
Dr Paul
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It took three years of researching the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love to compile this information. I am glad you are finding it valuable.
Best,
Dr Paul
Very interesting points you have remarked, regards for posting . “Women have been taught to verbalize tenderly and carry a lipstick. Persons days are over.” by Bella Abzug.
Ethel Spector Person says much more than that in her book. I cite it on my bibliography Fears of surrendering to passion #1. Excellent read.
Best,
Dr Paul
At this time it seems like lotopyeer Expression Engine is the preferred blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?
The consultant on my website create the platform for my blogging. I don’t know what he used.
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Dr Paul
Useful information. Fortunate me I discovered your site unintentionally, and I’m shocked why this coincidence did not came about earlier! I bookmarked it.
I think you will enjoy my future posts.
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Dr Paul
It’s a embarrass you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this fantastic blog! I suppose on behalf of instantly i’ll settle representing book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I expression mail to brand in mint condition updates and will distribute this website with my Facebook categorize. Chat soon!
I will be publishing new posts soon.
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Dr Paul
But wanna remark that you have a very decent website , I the pattern it actually stands out.
I have put a lot of effort (three years) into creating this website.
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Dr Paul
Whats positive. Very cool blog!! Guy .. Excellent .. Superb .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally…I’m blissful to locate numerous effective information here in the post. Thanks for sharing…
I intend to publish many stimulating posts in future months.
Best,
Dr Paul
Can I simply just say what a relief to uncover someone that truly understands what they’re discussing on the net. You actually understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people must check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you aren’t more popular because you certainly have the gift.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
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Use Safari.I will be publishing more posts soon.
Best,
Dr Paul
Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular post! It is the little changes that will make the most significant changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!
i’m glad that you’ve found this helpful.
Best,
Dr Paul
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Thank you for your good wishes. I intend to publish many more posts in future months.
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Dr Paul
It’s difficult to find knowledgeable people about this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
I’m glad that you’ve found this helpful.
Best,
Dr Paul
When I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you’ll be able to remove me from that service? Thanks!
Check unsubscribe at the bottom of the email.
Best,
Dr Paul
Very interesting blog admittance! Very useful details here!
I am glad I have been helpful.
Best,
Dr Paul
Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely think this web site needs far more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the information!
I will be publishing many more posts in the months to come.
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Dr Paul
This in truth answered my drawback, thanks!
I am glad I answered your reservations.
Best,
Dr Paul
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!
I talk about things on a deep unconscious level. However, I try to make it as simply as I can.
Best,
Dr Paul
Right here is the perfect web site for anybody who hopes to understand this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a fresh spin on a topic that has been written about for years. Excellent stuff, just excellent!
Much of th psychoanalytic literature is focused on the child’s need to be loved. My focus is on the adult’s active need to love and processes involved in that.
Best,
Dr Paul
Neat blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your theme. Kudos
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I would be happy to guest blog. Email me at danielpaul1@earthlink.net
Emails I’ve sent from the information from respondents have bounced.
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Dr Paul
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I will be publishing another post in a month.
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Dr Paul
I’m glad you like my webpage.
Best,
Dr Paul
I am glad you found my website helpful. It’s a product of three years of research into the subject of romantic love. This is a subject that I feel has been neglected in the psychoanalytic literature.
Best,
Dr Paul
I have spent three years of research into the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love. I am glad you found my website gratifying. There will be many more posts in the months to come.
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Dr Paul
I am glad I was helpful.
Best,
Dr Paul
I put three years researching the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love. Perhaps, that has something to do with the quality of my writing. I am glad you find it helpful.
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Dr Paul
I am glad you enjoyed my most and website. I write deeply about underlying unconscious processes in loving and try to write as simply as a I can.
Best,
Dr Paul
I try to write simply from the heart.
Best,
Dr Paul
Thank you. I intend to publish many more posts in the future.
Best,
Dr Paul