Protect yourself from being hurt #1

Carmen The opera Carmen shows another example of  how the personality of the lover can change and expand through the lover’s  identification with the beloved. The setting is in Seville Spain in the 1850’s outside a cigarette factory. It was so hot in Seville that...

Romantic love can change a life #2

Self validation and joint narratives The lovers validate the uniqueness and worth in mutual love. There is a chance for the lovers to be fully known in love, accepted without judgment, and loved despite all shortcomings. One desires to know and be known by the...

Romantic love can change a life #1

THE POTENTIAL FOR REALIZED LOVE TO CHANGE A LIFE Most often romantic love changes the lover for the good. Debunkers of love focus on the lover’s idealization of the beloved and subsequent disillusionment, and elaborate on the dailiness of life together. However, not...

Realized Love #4

I would like to make a small digression at this point. Psychoanalytic theory posits that many human beings have to resolve what is called an Oedipal conflict as part of normal development. This theory is based on observations derived from working with patients in...

Realized Love #1

THE EXPERIENCE OF MUTUAL LOVE When love is mutual, for a moment or a life time, it has certain characteristics. When love is mutual the lovers often feel their love is unique; the feeling of uniqueness is one of its defining characteristic. Regardless of its duration,...

Inhibitions to surrendering to passion #4

Idealization The experience of falling in love is in direct response to special qualities of the beloved. By insisting that it is this unique man or this unique woman, the lover rejects any notion that individuals are interchangeable. In this way, love becomes a...

Inhibitions to surrendering to passion #5

Love Realized The idyllic phase Romantic love needs to be distinguished from carnal love, affectionate bonding and self aggrandizing love. What distinguishes romantic love is its intensity, the strong mutual identifications the lovers feel, and their longing for...

Realized Love #2

“We” Love creates new identities for the lovers. These are symbolized by the new names they give one another, the terms of endearment they use. Re-naming symbolizes the psychological fact that each lover now has a new identity, special and specific to the...

Realized Love #3

The sense of merger and transcendence Lovers may go beyond a sense of joint identity, may feel that they have in fact merged. The impulse to merge is often expressed by the metaphors of bodily incorporation,” “I could eat you up.” “He inhaled her presence,” “She drank...

Inhibitions to surrendering to passion #2

Love may confer a sense of inner rightness, peace and richness; or it may be a mode of transforming the self. Beyond enlarging and changing the self, love may also enable the lovers to break through the stifling limits of self. Hence, it is a mode of transcendence,...