Love may confer a sense of inner rightness, peace and richness; or it may be a mode of transforming the self. Beyond enlarging and changing the self, love may also enable the lovers to break through the stifling limits of self. Hence, it is a mode of transcendence, frequently designated as a religion of two.
However, there are barriers to falling in love. Lovers may have reason to fear love. Passion can devour them. In unrequited love, the lover is tormented. Love is experienced as involuntary, not subject to conscious control and therefore an affront to reason if not madness. Even in love that is fulfilled there is a risk for the lovers. Mutual love can end slowly or simply turn sour. Most horribly it can end in ennui and the sense of emptiness. These are some of the fears that inhibit people from allowing themselves to fall in love.
However, love is also the glue that holds society together. Though it may begin as a religion of two, it evolves more often as a force that perpetuates the generations. And even if romantic love is often short lived, it is a mistake to think its transience disqualifies it from significance. To think this way is to glorify possession over experience. It is the experience itself and the difference it renders to a life that makes it valuable.
I would like to illustrate some of these points by recounting the story of 2005 French film called “Lila Says”. “Lila Says” tells the story of a quiet young poet named Chino who develops a crush on the pretty, blond Lila recently moved into his Arab ghetto with her aunt. Chino is recognized by his French teacher as having literary gifts. The teacher offers to help Chino get into a free school for writers if he completes a 30 page manuscript. The manuscripts will be submitted to the school who will judge his merits as a writer. The manuscript becomes an account of his encounter with Lila.
The title “Lila says” connotes a story of Lila calling the shots. Nothing ever grows in Chino’s neighborhood except a lone tree. There is no work for the Arab youth. Chino felt from the first, that Lila coming to the neighborhood was the most magical, radiant and exciting things that ever happened. He was tongue tied from the first moment he met her. Lila drives a motor bike and she is pushing it up the hill when she first meets Chino. She says to Chino, “See how white my skin is, see how blue my eyes are. Would you like to see some of my body?” Chino is speechless. Lila says you better say something or you will lose your chance. Chino indicates that he wants to see some of her body and she complies by displaying portions of it. The next scene is Lila asking Chino if he would like to go for a ride on her motor bike. He indicates that he would and while they are driving, Lila is in front and Chino is driving from behind. Lila impulsively displays more of her body while they are driving. Lila asks if Chino would like to make love. Chino acknowledges he would and she caresses him while he is still driving. Chino is for the most part totally tongued tied, even though it is clear that he is very infatuated with Lila. Later, Lila is sunbathing while Chino is visiting her. She asks him to rub suntan lotion on her and is quite provocative to speechless Chino.
A rival and gang leader also has a crush on Lila. Chino’s principal demonstration of affection for Lila is displayed by his successfully defending her against the gang leader’s harassment. Lila falls more deeply in love with tongue tied Chino and eventually tells him that she would like them to marry, share a life together and have children. Chino, to his great dismay, is speechless. Meanwhile, the rival gang leader is jealous of Chino’s relationship with Lila, goes to her apartment and sexually assaults Lila while the gang members watch. Chino gets to Lila’s apartment too late to stop this. He is only able to beat up the gang leader until the police arrive and take them all to jail. Lila leaves France for a vacation in Poland. Chino beseeches the police officer to allow him to contact her. The police officer finally relents to Chino’s pleas and dials her phone number. When he hears her voice, the speechless Chino finally says, “I love you Lila.” She replies, “I know”. We then see Chino on his way to the writer’s school in Paris and he comments, “Lila changed my life.”
Why is Chino so frightened of expressing his love for Lila? Chino’s being unable to speak to her dramatically demonstrates his barrier to allowing himself to fall in love with Lila. Why was he so tongue tied?. One reason is that he fears that losing control and surrendering to love means abandoning reason and surrendering to emotion. Being out of control is a precondition to falling in love and some people fear this. A second reason could be fear of annihilation. Because he is in love with Lila, he idealizes her and she acquires tremendous power to either to validate his self worth by responding to him or shatter his sense of self by rejecting him. He says Lila changed his life. How? We can speculate that he was enormously affirmed that such a beautiful woman loved him. He also overcame his fears of loving. The transformative power of romantic love to change personality is one theme that I will explore.
See Inhibitions to surrendering to passion #1
See Inhibitions to surrendering to passion #3
I am also fascinated in this topic. I have expended a lot of time on seeking this sort of topic. It is very insightful.
I am glad that you find this valuable. I will be publishing many more posts on this subject, so check back on the website in the coming months.
Best,
Dr Paul
Exciting insights, you should contemplate carrying out a podcast on business and advertising.
I intend to publish many more blogs on the general subject of “How romantic love can change a life.” So, check back on my website. You can download an mp3 file for a nominal fee and listen to it on your iPod. The link is on the home page entitled “Wagner:Themes of romantic love, redemption and incest.” My talk deals with how romantic love can change a life, but focuses narrowly on Richard Wagner.
Best,
Dr Paul
I just want to tell you that I am new to blogging and absolutely savored this website. More than likely I’m going to bookmark your blog . You surely come with excellent well written articles. Thank you for revealing your webpage.
Please do check back, since I will be publishing many more posts in the months to come. I have done three years of research to create the contents of my website. You appreciation of the quality of the content is very rewarding for me and makes me feel my hard work is worthwhile. I want to open peoples eyes to the deeper levels of romantic love. The subject can be transformative for an individual life.
Best,
Dr Paul
I love this blog layout ! How did you make it!? It is rather good!
There isn’t just one answer. I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Just discovered this blog through Bing, what a pleasant shock!
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Have you considered adding some relevant links to the article? I think it might enhance my understanding.
Ask me questions and I would be glad to try to help you understand better.
Best,
Dr Paul
Just to let you know your web page looks a little bit strange on Firefox on my laptop using Linux .
Sorry. I don’t know what to do about that.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hello, I just hopped over to your web page through StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would typically read, but I appreciated your views none the less. Thanks for making something worthy of browsing.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
I appreciate your wp design, where did you get a hold of it?
I used different web designers to contribute to this site.
Best,
Dr Paul
quite helpful material, in general I imagine this is worthy of a book mark, many thanks
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Brilliant, thanks, I will bookmark you later.
Great. I will be publishing many more posts in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
Dude! This website is awesome! How can I make it look like this !
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Cool post . Cheers for, posting on my blog mate. I will message you some time. I did not realise that!
I would be glad to hear from you. I am glad you’ve enjoyed my website.
Best.
Dr Paul
I’m impressed, I must say. Seldom do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and interesting, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that not enough folks are speaking intelligently about. Now i’m very happy I found this during my search for something relating to this.
Modern psychoanalytic thinking focuses more on the child’s need for love and the childhood determinants of this need and not enough on the adults active need to love and the internal barriers that inhibit this. I have tried to remedy this in my website and posts. I am gratified by the HUGE public response to my posts.
Best,
Dr Paul
I love it when people come together and share thoughts. Great blog, stick with it!
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Can you message me with some hints on how you made this blog site look this cool, Id appreciate it!
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
May I simply just say what a comfort to uncover somebody who really understands what they are discussing over the internet. You actually realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important. A lot more people ought to read this and understand this side of your story. I can’t believe you aren’t more popular since you most certainly possess the gift.
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Excellent article. I definitely appreciate this website. Keep writing!
I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Have you given any kind of consideration at all with converting your main web page into German? I know a several of translaters here which would help you do it for no cost if you wanna contact me.
I am strongly attracted to German Romantic culture. I have submitted a paper entitled “Wagner: Romantic love and themes of redemption and incest” to an Opera Journal. I gave a paper this past May celebrating Wagner’s 200th birthday. The conference was held a the Centre for Opera Studies, Leeds University,UK. My paper was entitled “Wagner and Incest.” How would this conversion of my home page work. Correspond with me via email. My email address is listed on my home page.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hey, I just hopped over to your web page via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would generally read, but I enjoyed your thoughts none the less. Thank you for making something well worth reading through.
I am glad you found it valuable. It took three years of research into the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love to create this site.
Best,
Dr Paul
Good post. I learn something new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be helpful to read through articles from other writers and use something from other websites.
I have research the psychoanalytic literature on romantic love for three years to create this webs site.
Best,
Dr Paul
Have you considered adding several social bookmarking links to these blogs. At the very least for youtube.
I need to keep a certain anonymity if I am to analyze my patient’s fantasies about me. This is one way I help them to learn about themselves as a psychoanalyst. I don’t use Social Media because it would disclose too much about who I am as a person.
Best,
Dr Paul
Heya, I just hopped over to your website via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I might typically read, but I liked your views none the less. Thank you for creating something worth reading.
Thank you for your comment. I put a lot of work into this and I feel good knowing it’s appreciated.
Best,
Dr Paul
The design for your weblog is a little bit off in Epiphany. Nevertheless I like your site. I might have to install a normal browser just to enjoy it.
I would suggest another browser. Others have complained about Epiphany. I use Safari.
Best,
Dr Paul
Strange , this post shows up with a dark hue to it, what color is the primary color on your web site?
Black print on a white background. Try a different browser.
Best,
Dr Paul
Good information. Lucky me I recently found your blog by accident (stumbleupon). I’ve bookmarked it for later!
I anticipate publishing many more posts in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
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Many people have never known love and the transformative power of love. Future posts will be addressing this subject, I will have many more to come in the future months.
Best,
Dr Paul
This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me. Kudos!
I am glad you found this useful. Awareness of the barriers to loving is an important step in overcoming them and being freer to love. I believe this is one o the most important things in life.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hello, I do believe your blog might be having browser compatibility problems. When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in IE, it’s got some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Apart from that, excellent site!
Others have said the same thing. I would just use Safari to view the website.
Best,
Dr Paul
This can be specially accurate throughout the chilly winter season months any time temperatures might be as a result of two extremes.
I agree that this is a topic that warms the heart.
Best,
Dr Paul
This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Kudos!
I am glad you found my post helpful.
Best,
Dr Paul
I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog that’s both educative and interesting, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is something too few men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.
I am glad I was able to educate and stimulate you. I agree the subject of romantic love and how it can change a life is one of the most important subjects in life and rarely addressed.
Best,
Dr Paul
you’ve got an incredible blog decent here! would you comparable to achieve some invite posts by my weblog?
Yes. I would be happy to. What would you like me to write about? Tell me how this would work. Correspond about the details via email. My email address is listed on my home page under Welcome.
Best,
Dr Paul
Great site you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to find quality writing like yours nowadays. I truly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
thank you. I try to speak simply and to the heart.
Best,
Dr Paul
I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this blog. I really hope to check out the same high-grade content by you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own, personal website now 😉
I think you will be pleased with my future posts. I’ve put a lot of effort into them.
Best,
Dr Paul
When I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. There has to be a means you are able to remove me from that service? Thank you!
Check unsubscribe at the bottom of the email.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hi here would you mind stating which blog platform you’re working with? I’m looking to start my identifiable blog presently on the contrary I’m having a tough calculate deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I pose is because your layout seems discrete in that case the majority blogs and I’m looking in support of impressive absolutely only one of its kind. P.S My apologies for being off-topic nevertheless I had to ask!
I use word press.
Dr Paul
An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment. I think that you need to publish more on this topic, it may not be a taboo matter but typically folks don’t talk about these issues. To the next! Kind regards!!
I will be publishing more posts in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
I like the valuable lotopyeer info you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly. I’m quite certain I will learn a lot of new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!
I intend to publish many posts in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I am glad you appreciate my posts. There will be many more to follow in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
I’d like to find out more? I’d love to find out some additional information.
See old post Fear of surrendering to passion #1 and I list a bibliography.
Best,
Dr Paul
I’m more than happy to uncover this website. I wanted to thank you for ones time for this fantastic read!! I definitely appreciated every little bit of it and I have you saved as a favorite to look at new things on your site.
I will be publishing new posts in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
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i’m glad my posts have helped.
Best,
Dr Paul
I quite like reading through a post that can make people think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!
I am glad my spots are stimulating. I enjoy the dialogue with my respondents.
Best,
Dr Paul
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I have amassed a lot of knowledge being a psychoanalyst 40+ years and published some of that in my site. I have also been passionately interested in the subject of how romantic life can change a life. I have also been struck by how many people have never known love and their lives are poorer because of it. This led me to research barriers to loving. I also like illustrating my points about the psychology of love with music, because I love music and music speaks directly to the heart. All of these factors contributed to my making my website what it is.
Best,
Dr Paul
Terrific post however I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Cheers!
I will be elaborating more in the posts I publish in the months to come.
Best,
Dr Paul
This is a topic that’s close to my heart… Best wishes! Where are your contact details though?
Select “Welcome” and you will be taken to my home page. My contact details are there.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hey. Vastly trivial blog!! Guy .. Admirable .. Superb .. I’ll bookmark your website and engage the feeds also…I am contented to attain numerous useful info here surrounded by the send. Be grateful you for sharing.
I’m gld you have found this helpful.
Best,
Dr Paul
I blog quite often and I genuinely appreciate your information. Your article has really peaked my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new information about once a week. I opted in for your RSS feed too.
I think you will enjoy my future posts. The subject of “how romantic love can change a life is multi faced.
Best,
Dr Paul
Hey! I’ve been following a blog for several weeks now and I wanted to let you know that I saw your last article somewhere else. You might want to be familiar with someone stealing these people!
Thank you for telling me this. My website is copywrite protected so this is illegal.
Best,
Dr Paul
I have been absent for some time lotopyeer, but now I remember why I used to love this site. Thank you, I’ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your web site?
I update every two months.
Best,
Dr Paul
You’re so cool! I do not think I have read through something like that before. So nice to find another person with unique thoughts on this subject. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that is required on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!
I have been fascinated with the subject of “how romantic love can change a life” and “barriers to loving”. The website is a product of those interests.
Best,
Dr Paul
Perfect work you have done, this site is really cool with excellent information.
I am glad it helped you.
Best,
Dr Paul